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The Knowing, Voicelore’s information and resource program, provides eight steps for survivors (18 years or older) of sexual assault or harassment, domestic or dating violence, and stalking. Every step is trauma-informed and neurodiversity-affirming, offering practical support in clear, accessible language. All steps are optional and do not need to be followed in a specific order—or at all. Scroll to the section that best reflects your situation, or the situation of a loved one, to find the eight steps that may be most helpful. If you or your loved one experienced more than one form of gender-based violence, you are welcome to use steps from multiple sections—whatever feels most relevant to your healing, safety, or needs. Please note that the information provided here is not medical or legal advice. It is intended for general support and resource guidance.
Sexual Assault or Harassment Survivors
When it feels safe, consider reaching out to someone you trust. This could be a friend, mentor, advocate, therapist, or loved one. They can sit with you, help you plan next steps, or simply offer comfort. If speaking is difficult, you can write, text, or use an AAC (augmentative and alternative communication) tool to express what you’re going through.
Whether you experienced sexual assault or sexual harassment, what happened matters. You do not need to describe it perfectly or label it in order for it to count. Even if your feelings are unclear or your memories are incomplete, your experience deserves care.
If you’re connected to a college, university, or workplace, you may also have access to additional resources. Some support services—such as licensed mental health professionals or on-campus advocates—are confidential. Others, such as Title IX or HR staff, may be required to report what you share. However, many are only required to share non-identifying information, and some reports are used only to track patterns or assess risk.
In some states, professionals such as therapists, healthcare workers, or social service staff may also be required to report sexual abuse involving “vulnerable adults”—including some disabled or elderly individuals—regardless of age. If you are unsure whether this applies to you, you can ask about confidentiality before sharing details.
If you’re unsure what someone is required to report, ask them before disclosing details. You can also check your school or workplace handbook or website to learn more about confidentiality policies and support options.
Whether or not you report is your decision.
You might feel torn, frozen, or unsure of what to do. That’s okay. You don’t have to decide everything right now.
If you think you might want to report later, it may help to document what happened in a way that works for you. You can:
Write or type a note
Record a voice memo
Use a communication board or AAC app
Include whatever feels important—sensory details, emotional reactions, quotes, or anything that stands out. Store it somewhere safe and add to it when you’re ready.
If you’re considering preserving evidence:
If physical contact occurred and you’re thinking about a forensic exam or reporting later, try not to:
Bathe or shower
Brush your teeth
Change clothes
Clean the space where the harm occurred
Only follow these steps if they feel manageable. For many survivors—especially those with sensory sensitivities or medical trauma—these steps may feel distressing or physically uncomfortable. That is okay.
If you do need to move or change:
Place clothing or items in a paper bag (not plastic) to help preserve evidence
Store them somewhere safe until you decide your next steps
If none of this was possible, it is still okay. You can seek medical care, emotional support, or accommodations at any time. Evidence is not the only path to being believed or getting help.
Medical care after a sexual assault can help protect your health and give you options—whether or not you report what happened. You may not feel injured right away, but a healthcare provider can examine you for internal or delayed injuries, offer treatment, and explain the support available to you.
If you experienced sexual harassment without physical contact, you may still want medical care for stress-related symptoms such as headaches, gastrointestinal pain, or panic attacks. Some survivors find it helpful to speak with a trauma-informed provider about what they are experiencing—even if no physical evidence is present.
Many services for survivors are free or low-cost. If you are concerned about the price of healthcare, you may qualify for reimbursement through a state victim’s compensation program. For more information, visit the Office for Victims of Crime’s website.
Available medical services
The medical care you may need includes:
Treatment for injuries, including ones you may not be able to see
Testing for sexually transmitted infections (STIs)
Emergency contraception to reduce the risk of pregnancy
A sexual assault forensic exam (also known as a rape kit)
These services are optional. You are allowed to accept some, decline others, or take time to decide what feels right. If spoken communication is difficult, you can write, type, or use an AAC tool to communicate your choices in a way that works for you.
Sexual assault forensic exam (rape kit)
A sexual assault forensic exam is a medical procedure used to collect evidence after an assault. It is usually most effective when completed within 72 hours, but some locations allow survivors to receive the exam up to 120 hours (5 days) afterward. Even if this time has passed, you can still receive medical care whenever you are ready.
During the exam, a healthcare professional will gently examine your body and collect any evidence they can. This may involve swabs, photographs of injuries, and samples of hair or fluids. If you stored your clothing or other items in a paper bag, bring them with you to the exam, along with a change of clothes to wear afterward. The examiner may need to collect your original clothing as evidence.
You can ask for accommodations at any time. You can request that procedures be explained step-by-step, or ask the examiner to move slowly or stop if needed. If you experience sensory sensitivities or medical trauma, you are encouraged to share that ahead of time, if possible. You have the right to feel safe and respected throughout the process.
Accessing services at school or work
If you are in college, a campus resource may be able to provide some or all of these services. However, be mindful of confidentiality. Refer back to Step 1 for more about who may be required to report your experience. You can find information about available services and privacy policies in your school’s handbook or website.
If you are employed, your workplace may offer access to an Employee Assistance Program (EAP) or be able to refer you to trauma-informed providers. You are not required to disclose why you are seeking medical attention unless you want to.
If you prefer to go off-campus or outside of work-based resources, you can visit a hospital or healthcare provider instead. To find one near you, call the National Sexual Assault Hotline. They can connect you with a local community resource that supports survivors. That resource may be able to send a trained advocate to accompany you to the medical facility, explain what will happen, and offer emotional support.
If you choose not to have the exam
If you decide not to have a forensic exam—or if no evidence is found—you can still report the crime to law enforcement. A rape kit is not required for you to be believed. You do not have to prove what happened to deserve care or support. There is no right or wrong choice—only what feels right for you.
To learn more about the sexual assault forensic exam, visit the National Sexual Assault Hotline’s website.
If you were sexually assaulted or harassed by someone at your school or job, you may have the option to report what happened through your school’s Title IX office or your employer’s Human Resources (HR) department. These options are separate from reporting to law enforcement. You are not required to report to any institution. You can report to your school, your job, both, or neither—whatever feels safest and most supportive for you.
Some survivors feel more in control after reporting. Others prefer not to report or need more time to decide. Your reasons are valid, and you deserve support either way.
If You Are in School
Title IX is a federal law that requires schools receiving federal funding to respond to sex-based discrimination—including sexual assault and sexual harassment. Under the current Title IX regulations, your school must take steps to ensure a safe and equitable learning environment if you experience this kind of harm in connection with a school program or activity.
You do not need to report what happened to access support. If you tell your school’s Title IX office, they are required to offer supportive measures—even if you choose not to pursue an investigation. These may include:
Academic accommodations (schedule changes, deadline extensions)
Housing or transportation adjustments
Counseling referrals or mental health support
No-contact orders or safety planning assistance
If you choose to file a formal complaint, your school must begin a grievance process. This process may vary by school, but it must be fair, prompt, and free from retaliation. Unlike past rules, schools are no longer required to hold live hearings or use cross-examination. Instead, they are allowed more flexibility in how investigations and resolutions are conducted—as long as the process protects your rights and safety.
Some schools also offer informal resolution options, which let you seek support or address the harm without launching a full investigation. These may include facilitated conversations, safety plans, or restorative responses. Not all schools offer this pathway, so check your school’s website or speak with a campus advocate. Be mindful of confidentiality limits, as explained in Step 1.
You also have the right to:
Request confidentiality (though this may limit your school’s response)
Ask that an investigation not occur (which schools may honor in many cases)
Be protected from retaliation for reporting or participating in the process
If you are neurodivergent or disabled, you can request accommodations during the Title IX process. These may include:
Participating remotely or asynchronously
Communicating in writing instead of speaking
Adjusting the hearing or meeting environment to reduce sensory overload
Bringing a support person or communication aide
Taking extra time to review documents or respond to questions
For more about your rights:
If You Are in the Workplace
If the harm occurred in a work setting—whether by a coworker, supervisor, client, or customer—you may have the right to report it through Human Resources. Workplace sexual harassment and assault fall under Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964, not Title IX. These protections apply to most private and public employers in the U.S.
If you report, your employer is legally required to:
Take your complaint seriously
Investigate the situation
Implement appropriate actions to address the harm
If your employer ignores your complaint or retaliates against you, you may have the right to file a charge with the U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) or your state’s civil rights agency.
You have the right to:
Report sexual harassment or assault to HR or a supervisor
Ask for job-related accommodations (schedule, location, assignments)
Request that your identity remain private if possible
Be protected from retaliation (firing, demotion, harassment)
File a complaint with the EEOC if your employer fails to act (source)
You can also request accommodations if you are neurodivergent, disabled, or dealing with trauma, such as:
Attending meetings virtually or through written communication
Requesting a quieter or more accessible meeting space
Bringing a support person with you to discussions
For help writing a complaint or understanding your rights:
If you are thinking about reporting what happened to the police—whether it was sexual assault, sexual harassment with physical contact, or another form of sexual harm—you are not alone. Some survivors find that reporting helps them feel safer, believed, or more in control. Others decide not to report—or are unsure what they want to do. All of these feelings are valid.
You do not have to decide right away. You can take time to figure out what feels best for you. Just know that every state has a time limit, called a statute of limitations, for when you can file a criminal report. These deadlines vary depending on where you live, how the law defines sexual assault, and whether or not you had a forensic exam.
To find out how your state defines sexual assault and what the statute of limitations is, visit the National Sexual Assault Hotline’s website. If your state’s definition does not cover what happened to you, please know that the law is not the only measure of harm. What happened to you still matters—even if the legal system does not name it the way you do.
Some examples of sexual harm that may not be clearly defined in every state’s criminal code include:
Verbal or emotional coercion
Sexual threats or intimidation
Reproductive coercion (such as birth control sabotage or pregnancy pressure)
Sexual harassment that involves groping, flashing, or unwanted exposure
Non-consensual sexual communication, such as being pressured to send explicit photos or engage in sexual conversations
If you have evidence that was not collected in a rape kit, police generally need to gather it within 72 hours of the assault. If you completed a rape kit, it is best to report the assault before the evidence is discarded. You can ask how long your state stores rape kits without a police report. Some states allow survivors to remain anonymous for a period of time.
If you reported your assault to your school, a campus police officer or student safety staff member may be able to assist you. You can also call or visit your local police department directly—or ask a healthcare provider, advocate, or support person to help you initiate a report.
If you already reported the assault at your workplace—such as through Human Resources or a supervisor—you may be able to use that documentation if you decide to file a police report. You can bring a copy of your complaint, safety plan, or any workplace record of the incident. Some employers may offer help connecting you to support, but they cannot contact law enforcement on your behalf unless you ask them to.
If verbal communication is difficult or overwhelming, you can:
Write your report ahead of time
Use notes, outlines, or diagrams to explain what happened
Bring a support person to speak on your behalf
Use an AAC device, text-based option, or communication board
Ask for a quiet room, dimmed lights, or sensory accommodations
Some survivors freeze, forget details, or struggle to describe what happened. This is a common trauma response—not a sign that your story is not real. Many officers are now trained to understand how trauma affects memory, speech, and consistency. You are allowed to pause, take breaks, or say “I’m not sure.” If something returns to you later, you can share it in a follow-up interview.
The reporting process may take several hours. You may be asked to:
Describe what happened in your own words
Answer detailed, sometimes repetitive questions
Return later for follow-up interviews
You can ask to bring a friend, advocate, therapist, or family member to stay with you the entire time. If any part of the process feels overwhelming, you can request:
A break to rest, eat, stim, or ground yourself
To continue the conversation another day
A private space
A different officer, if you do not feel safe with the one assigned
If you are mistreated by law enforcement—for example, if someone is disrespectful, dismissive, or pressures you in a way that feels unsafe—you can ask to speak to their supervisor or another officer. You can also file a complaint later. What happened to you is still real, even if someone else responds poorly.
If you want to learn the anatomical terms that officers or medical staff might use, Planned Parenthood’s resource includes visual diagrams and definitions. Knowing this vocabulary may help you describe what happened more clearly or choose words that feel more comfortable for you.
To learn more about how reporting works in your area, visit the National Sexual Assault Hotline or contact a local advocacy center. Many programs can explain your rights, connect you with legal support, or walk you through the process step by step.
If you decide not to report, that is okay too. Your experience is still valid. You are still a survivor. And you still deserve every form of care, support, and healing available to you.
Whether or not there was physical violence, you are allowed to take steps to feel safer—in your body, your environment, and your relationships. Sexual harm often involves fear, violation, or ongoing discomfort. If something makes you feel unsafe, you are not overreacting. You are allowed to protect yourself.
A safety plan is not about fixing the past. It is about preparing for what might come next. That could mean:
Running into the person who harmed you
Getting unwanted messages, contact, or retaliation
Navigating shared environments like work, school, or social spaces
Coping with emotional overwhelm or triggers
You can make your plan in any format that works for you. Some survivors write it out. Others use visuals, audio notes, or reminders on their phone. You do not have to share it unless you want to.
Situational safety
Think through any spaces or routines that might feel unsafe. This could include school buildings, work settings, events, or transit routes.
Identify exits, quiet areas, or support staff nearby
Create a plan for what to do if you unexpectedly see the person who harmed you
Consider bringing someone with you to high-stress environments, when possible
Save emergency contacts in your phone (or keep them written down in your bag)
Pack grounding tools that help during distress—such as noise-reducing headphones, textured objects, or fidget devices
Digital safety
Some perpetrators use digital platforms to harass, shame, or pressure survivors. You deserve digital boundaries that feel safe and manageable.
Adjust your privacy settings on social media
Disable location-sharing features where possible
Block or mute unwanted contacts
Save harmful messages or screenshots in a secure folder if you feel safe doing so
Ask a trusted friend or tech-savvy supporter to help if digital settings feel overwhelming
For more help, visit the Technology Safety Center.
Emotional safety
Even when you’re physically safe, it’s common to feel emotionally raw, jumpy, or numb. Some survivors feel fine and then get overwhelmed without warning. Others feel confused about how to cope. That is valid. Your nervous system is doing its best to protect you.
You might want to:
Write or record affirmations that ground you in your truth
Create a comfort plan for moments of distress (e.g., 5-4-3-2-1 grounding, deep pressure, calming music)
Identify emotional triggers and ways to self-regulate when they arise
Keep a soothing object or playlist nearby
Make a short list of people you can text, message, or sit silently with when you feel alone
Support system
You should not have to handle this by yourself. Even sharing your safety plan with one trusted person can make a difference.
Choose someone who can support you emotionally, physically, or logistically
Let them know how you prefer to communicate (e.g., texting, low-pressure check-ins)
Set up code words or emojis if you want a discreet way to ask for help
Make sure at least one person understands your communication preferences—especially if you use AAC, type to speak, or need extra time to respond
For guidance on building support, visit Love Is Respect.
Documentation and protective options
If you are being stalked, harassed, or threatened, documenting what happens can support your safety and peace of mind.
Record the date, time, and location
Describe what occurred and how it made you feel
Include screenshots, photos, or witness names if available
Keep the record in a private digital folder, secure notebook, or locked app
In some states, you may be eligible for a restraining order or civil protective order—even if the harm was non-physical. Visit WomensLaw.org to learn what is available in your state.
You do not have to do everything at once. Take small steps. Revisit the plan when you’re ready. You deserve to feel safe—not just from physical harm, but from intimidation, coercion, and emotional distress.
Whatever choices you make, you are not alone—and you are not overreacting. Safety planning is a way to reclaim your space, your peace, and your power.
Your mental and emotional well-being matter just as much as your physical health. After sexual assault or sexual harassment, it is common to experience emotional shifts or mental health symptoms. These responses are not signs of weakness. They are often the body and mind’s natural reaction to trauma.
Some survivors feel anxious, angry, numb, sad, overwhelmed, or disconnected from others. Others may struggle with concentration, memory, appetite, sleep, or self-worth. These changes can show up days, weeks, months, or even years after what happened—and they may come and go. This is true even when the harm did not involve physical contact. If something disrupted your peace, safety, or sense of self, your feelings are valid. You are not alone.
Mental health care does not have to mean long-term therapy—though it can. Support might include brief counseling, medication, group spaces, body-based care, or even just finding someone to listen. There are many ways to care for your mind and heart.
Just like physical health services, many mental health resources are available for free or at low cost. You may also be eligible for reimbursement through a victim compensation program in your state. To learn more, visit the Office for Victims of Crime.
Below are some types of mental health support you may consider:
Individual or group therapy
Crisis services or trauma recovery programs
Drop-in support or peer-led groups
24/7 hotlines, such as the National Sexual Assault Hotline
Psychological screening or psychiatric evaluation
Medication for anxiety, depression, sleep issues, or trauma responses
Nonspeaking supports, such as art, movement, or music-based care
Sensory regulation tools or emotional safety plans
You can choose the level of support that feels right for you. Some survivors want help right away. Others prefer to wait, explore options slowly, or return to care later. There is no correct timeline for healing.
If you are in school
You may be able to access free or low-cost mental health services through your school. Many colleges and universities offer confidential counseling through student health centers, trauma response teams, or LGBTQ+ resource centers. Services may include therapy, group support, academic accommodations, or referrals to outside providers.
However, not all school services are trauma-informed, and some students experience barriers—especially if they are marginalized or neurodivergent. If you are having trouble getting help through your school, you can ask for a referral to a community provider. Your school is responsible for assisting you with this request under Title IX.
If you need help navigating your school’s system, you can also contact an advocacy center or hotline. You do not need to go through this alone.
If you are working
Some workplaces offer Employee Assistance Programs (EAPs) that provide short-term, confidential counseling at no cost to you. EAPs may be helpful if you need immediate support or referrals to trauma-informed professionals. You can ask HR about this resource without disclosing what happened.
If your mental health symptoms are affecting your ability to work, you may also have the right to request reasonable accommodations. These could include a modified schedule, quiet workspace, communication alternatives, or additional breaks.
Accessing care in your community
If school or work services are not available or not the right fit, you can find support in your local area. You can:
Visit the National Sexual Assault Hotline to connect with a nearby advocacy center or crisis counselor
Search Psychology Today for trauma-informed therapists in your state (filters available for insurance, location, LGBTQ+ affirming, cultural background, and more)
Look for community mental health centers, sliding-scale clinics, or survivor-specific organizations
Ask a trusted friend, support person, or advocate to help you research options
If phone calls feel overwhelming, try emailing, using live chat, or having someone reach out for you. Some survivors also benefit from asynchronous care—such as self-paced therapy apps, text-based platforms, or video reflections. These options may work better for neurodivergent individuals or those with communication differences.
You are allowed to ask for accommodations in your mental health care. That may mean:
Requesting written communication instead of verbal intake
Bringing a support person or communication aide
Asking for sensory-friendly spaces, visual schedules, or slower-paced sessions
Using AAC or alternative communication formats
Setting clear boundaries around touch, topics, or language used
You do not have to justify what you need. Support should meet you where you are—not force you to conform to someone else’s model of care.
If you are looking for expressive or community-based support
Music can be a powerful tool for healing, and there is more than one way to use it. Some survivors benefit from music therapy, a clinical service provided by board-certified professionals trained to support people through music in hospitals, mental health programs, schools, and other care settings. A music therapist can help with emotional regulation, trauma recovery, communication, and more. Sessions may involve songwriting, guided listening, improvisation, or instrument use, and are tailored to your individual needs and goals.
Others prefer a community-based approach. Voicelore offers free programs for survivors that use music for expression, connection, and support. These programs are not therapy or medical services—but they are designed to be trauma-informed, neurodiversity-affirming, and emotionally safe. The Reclaiming is a structured, yearlong program for survivors of sexual assault, sexual harassment, domestic violence, dating violence, and stalking. It does not require musical experience. Participants are invited to explore their voice through music in whatever way feels right for them.
For those who are not ready to join a structured program, The Murmuring offers optional community gatherings and informal support. You are welcome to participate in either space, based on what feels accessible and supportive.
It is okay to choose music therapy, community-based approaches, or both. Some survivors may begin with one and return to the other later. Others may find that the two approaches complement each other. What matters most is finding care that honors your needs, your pace, and your voice. Whether you heal through music, silence, movement, therapy, or something else entirely, you are allowed to take up space and feel supported along the way.
Each school and workplace has its own conduct process for responding to reports of sexual assault or sexual harassment. These processes are separate from the legal system and focus on whether a policy or code of conduct was violated—not whether a crime occurred.
At school, the process may involve a formal hearing, investigation, or resolution meeting. At work, it may include meetings with human resources, written statements, or a review by an internal investigator. These processes vary widely. Some are trauma-informed and survivor-centered. Others are rigid, emotionally difficult, or confusing—especially for neurodivergent survivors or those with prior negative experiences in institutional settings.
These systems apply whether the harm involved physical contact, verbal harassment, digital coercion, or other boundary violations.
You are not required to participate in any conduct process. If you choose to, you are allowed to:
Ask what the steps are before committing
Bring a support person
Request written communication or sensory, communication, or trauma-related accommodations
Pause or withdraw at any time without justification
These systems are not always designed with survivors in mind. If the process feels unsafe, you can ask for changes—or decide not to proceed at all. You can also ask someone to help you understand the process before deciding what to do.
To learn more about school-based processes, visit the Equal Rights Advocates’ Student Survivor Toolkit or Know Your IX. For workplace-specific guidance, the National Women’s Law Center’s Legal Network for Gender Equity and Workplaces Respond can help you understand your options.
Whether you move forward with a conduct process or not, your experience is valid. You deserve safety, clarity, and care—on your terms.
If the person who harmed you is arrested—whether for sexual assault, sexual harassment involving physical contact, or another form of sexual violence—the case is forwarded to a prosecutor. That prosecutor may speak with you and seem supportive, but it is important to know they are not your attorney. They represent the government—specifically, your state.
If you want someone who is truly on your side throughout the legal process, you have the right to seek your own legal advice. Some lawyers and nonprofit organizations provide free legal services to survivors of sexual assault and harassment. You do not need to face the system alone, and you deserve guidance that is clear, compassionate, and rooted in your interests. To find a lawyer or legal resource in your state, visit WomensLaw.org.
If a prosecutor asks to speak with you, try to approach it the way you did with law enforcement. You are allowed to ask questions, take your time, and use any communication tools that help you feel grounded. If spoken communication feels difficult, consider writing down what you want to say or bringing a support person. You do not have to sound a certain way to be believed.
After reviewing the case, the prosecutor will decide whether to move forward with charges. Sometimes they will choose not to pursue the case—even if you want them to. Other times, they may move forward even if you are unsure. In most states, they will not force you to participate in court against your will, but they are not required to follow your wishes either.
If they do pursue the case, they will determine what charges to file and begin the next steps of the criminal legal process. That process may include:
Investigation
Charging
Arraignment
Discovery
Plea Bargaining
Preliminary Hearing
Pre-Trial Motions
Trial
Post-Trial Motions
Sentencing
Appeal
You can read more about each of these stages on the United States Department of Justice website.
Most sexual assault cases end in plea bargaining, which means the case is resolved without a trial. This often means you will not have to testify. But in some situations, a trial does occur—and you may be asked to speak in court.
If you do testify, remember that you are allowed to feel what you feel. You can cry, pause, ask for a break, or bring a comfort item like a water bottle or something to hold. If your voice shakes or your memory falters, it does not mean you are not credible. Trauma can affect speech, memory, and clarity. Focus on the questions, not the people in the room. Your perpetrator and their supporters may be present, and their attorney will try to challenge you. This can be painful—but it does not erase the truth of what you lived through. You can ask for trauma-informed courtroom accommodations, such as testifying behind a screen or through video, depending on your state.
For more information about what it’s like to testify, visit the National Institute of Justice.
Just like you have rights as a student or employee, you also have rights as a survivor in the criminal justice system. For example, most states have rape shield laws, which limit what a defense attorney can ask about your sexual history. Your prosecutor can also file pre-trial motions to protect your privacy and limit retraumatizing questions or unnecessary disclosures.
In some states, you may also have the right to:
Receive case updates
Access trauma-informed services
Bring a support person to hearings
Request accommodations for disability, sensory needs, or communication differences
Make a victim impact statement if the case results in sentencing
To learn more about your rights as a survivor, you can call or text the VictimConnect Resource Center's Referral Helpline at 1-855-484-2846 or chat with a specialist. You can also visit VINELink to stay updated on the status of the case and receive notifications about hearings, transfers, or release dates.
If the prosecutor declines to file charges, the case is dismissed, or your rights are violated along the way, you may still have legal options. One option is to file a civil lawsuit, which allows you to pursue financial compensation from the person who harmed you. Civil cases do not require a criminal conviction and are held in a different court. The burden of proof is lower, and you may be able to seek justice in a way that feels more centered on your needs.
To learn more about filing a civil case, visit WomensLaw.org.
Note for survivors of harassment:
If the person who harmed you was not arrested, or if the conduct is not considered a criminal offense in your state, you may still be able to file a civil complaint—especially in cases of workplace or educational harassment. Civil attorneys, advocacy centers, or civil rights organizations can help you explore your legal options and determine what steps feel right for you.
But most importantly:
It is okay if you choose not to pursue the criminal or civil legal process.
Not every survivor wants to go to court. Not every case is pursued, even if you want it to be. You are still a survivor. You are still worthy of care, protection, and respect.
Whatever path you choose, your healing and safety matter. There is no one “right” way to seek justice. There is only the way that is right for you.
Domestic or Dating Violence Survivors
If you are experiencing physical or emotional abuse from a partner, your safety matters. Abuse does not have to leave bruises to be serious. If someone is hurting you physically, threatening or controlling you, isolating you from others, manipulating you emotionally, or making you feel unsafe in your own home or relationship—it is still abuse.
There is no one right way to respond. Some survivors leave immediately. Others take time to plan, gather support, or simply begin to name what is happening. Whatever your situation, you deserve care, protection, and dignity. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is available 24/7 to help you explore your options, create a safety plan, and take steps on your own terms.
Abuse in relationships often builds slowly. It can start with controlling behaviors or emotional manipulation and grow more intense over time. You may not have realized it was abuse right away. You may still feel unsure. That does not make it your fault.
If you are affiliated with a college, university, or workplace, you may also have access to support services. Be aware that not all of these are confidential. Most licensed mental health professionals are not required to report abuse unless someone is in grave danger. Advocates at health centers or crisis organizations often only report non-identifying information, but laws vary by state and role. Some professionals may be legally required to share identifying information if they believe someone is at risk of serious harm.
If you are a parent or caregiver, it is important to know that some professionals—such as doctors, therapists, or teachers—may be required by law to report to child protective services (CPS) if they believe a child is being harmed or exposed to danger. This does not mean you are doing something wrong. In most states, these reports are meant to offer support, not punishment. If you’re unsure how your state handles this, you can speak with a legal advocate or the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline before disclosing any information. You deserve help—not judgment—for trying to protect your family. Your institution’s website or handbook may also help you learn which support services are confidential.
Reporting is always your decision. You may feel unsure, afraid, or firmly decided not to report—and that is okay. Many survivors feel conflicted. Some still love or miss the person who hurt them. Others feel shame or confusion. These reactions are common in abusive relationships, especially when the abuse has been emotional, prolonged, or manipulative. You are allowed to take your time. You are allowed to feel complicated things. You are still a survivor—and you are not to blame.
If you think you might want to report later, it may help to write down what you remember. This can include:
Physical or sexual assaults
Threats
Financial control
Gaslighting
Stalking
Anything else that made you feel unsafe or powerless
Use a format that works for you—a journal, phone notes, voice memo, or AAC device. Add more details if they come back, and store your record somewhere safe.
If you were physically or sexually assaulted and want to preserve evidence, try not to bathe, brush your teeth, change clothes, or clean the space where it happened—but only if that feels manageable. This may be uncomfortable or distressing, especially for survivors with sensory sensitivities, medical trauma, or neurodivergent needs. If you need to move or change clothes, place any items in a paper bag (not plastic) to help preserve potential evidence.
If you are currently being monitored or fear your phone or computer is being tracked, try to use a safe device if possible. The Safety Net Project can also help you create a technology safety plan.
If planning your next steps feels overwhelming, you are not failing. You can ask for help one step at a time, or simply pause and take care of yourself. You are not alone.
The next section explains medical and forensic options so you can decide what feels right for you.
If you were physically abused, it is important to receive medical care—even if you do not believe you were injured. Some injuries may be hidden, delayed, or masked by shock. A medical professional can check for harm, offer treatment, and help you take the next steps for your physical well-being.
If your partner or ex-partner sexually assaulted you, you may also want to review Step 2 for sexual assault survivors, which includes more information about STI testing, emergency contraception, and sexual assault forensic exams. You are welcome to review either—or both—sets of steps to find the support that fits your experience.
If you are concerned about the cost of healthcare, many services are free or low-cost. You may also be eligible for reimbursement through your state’s victim compensation program. For more information, visit the Office for Victims of Crime’s website.
Medical services may include:
Treatment for visible or hidden injuries
X-rays or scans to detect internal damage
Medical documentation of injuries (which may support a future report)
Referrals to follow-up care or supportive resources
You are never required to accept every service offered. You can choose what feels manageable and pause or ask questions at any point. If verbal communication is hard, you can write your needs down, use a communication device, or ask an advocate to speak for you.
If you are sensitive to touch, noise, light, or medical procedures, let the provider know ahead of time if possible. You have the right to ask for accommodations.
Accessing care through your school
If you are in college, your campus may offer medical care through a student health center. Visit your school’s website or check your handbook to learn what services are provided. If you are concerned about privacy, review what we discussed in Step 1, since not all school resources are confidential.
Finding care off-campus
If your school does not provide what you need—or if you prefer to go elsewhere—you can visit a local hospital or medical provider. To find one near you, contact:
These hotlines can help you find local providers and may also connect you with an advocate who can go with you to the facility, explain what to expect, or offer emotional support.
If you have children, you may also want to speak with their pediatrician or a family advocacy center. Even if they were not directly harmed, they may have witnessed or been affected by what happened, and there is support for them, too.
Your experience matters
What happened to you is serious, even if it left no visible scars. If a doctor says you are not physically injured, that does not mean you are okay. Many survivors carry pain that is not visible. We will talk more about that in Step 6.
If you are experiencing or have experienced abuse from a partner or ex-partner at school or at work, you may have the option to report it through your school’s Title IX office or your employer’s Human Resources (HR) department. These options are separate from reporting to the police. You are not required to report to any institution. You can report to your school, your job, both, or neither—whatever feels safest and most supportive for you.
Some survivors find that reporting helps them access protections or feel more in control. Others choose not to report or need more time to decide. You are allowed to make the choice that feels best for you.
If you are in school
Title IX is a federal law that requires schools receiving federal funding to respond to sex-based discrimination, including intimate partner violence. This includes physical abuse, dating violence, threats, stalking, or harassment in the context of a romantic or sexual relationship.
Under the current Title IX regulations, your school is required to take action when abuse or harassment occurs in connection with a school program or activity, and when it interferes with your access to education. Protections may apply whether the harm occurred on campus or off, depending on your school’s policies and the specifics of your situation.
If you report what happened to your school’s Title IX office, they must offer supportive measures—even if you choose not to pursue an investigation. These may include:
Adjustments to your class schedule or assignment deadlines
Changes to housing, dining, or transportation
Mental health support or counseling referrals
No-contact orders or safety planning assistance
If you do choose to file a formal complaint, your school must initiate a grievance process. This process can vary, but it is required to be fair, prompt, and free from retaliation. Survivors of intimate partner abuse—especially those still connected to the person who harmed them through classes, housing, or shared communities—may face added challenges, but supportive measures are still your right.
Some schools also offer informal resolution options that allow you to seek support or address the harm without launching a full investigation. Not all schools offer this pathway, so check your school’s website or speak with a campus advocate. Be mindful of confidentiality limits, as discussed in Step 1.
You also have the right to:
Request that your identity remain confidential (though this may limit your school’s response)
Ask that no investigation take place (which schools may honor in many cases)
Be protected from retaliation for reporting or seeking help
If you are neurodivergent or have a disability, you can ask for accommodations during the process. These may include:
Using written communication instead of speaking
Attending meetings virtually or with a support person present
Adjusting the sensory environment for safety or comfort
Taking extra time to review documents or respond to questions
For more on your rights under Title IX, visit the National Women’s Law Center, Equal Rights Advocates, or the U.S. Department of Education.
If you are in the workplace
If your partner or ex-partner has abused you at work—or if their behavior is affecting your safety or well-being at work—you may have options through your employer’s Human Resources department. This could apply if the person works with you, shows up at your workplace, stalks or contacts you during work hours, or if the abuse makes it difficult for you to do your job safely.
Under Title VII of the Civil Rights Act, employers are required to respond to harassment and sex-based discrimination, including abuse and stalking that interferes with your work. Some states also have workplace protections specific to domestic violence survivors.
If you choose to report, your employer must take your complaint seriously and take appropriate steps to keep you safe and supported. If they fail to act—or if they retaliate against you—you may be able to file a charge with the U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) or your state’s civil rights or labor agency.
At work, you have the right to:
Report the abuse or safety concerns to HR or a supervisor
Ask for schedule changes, shift reassignments, remote work options, or changes to your workspace
Request a safety plan, including building access restrictions or security support
Keep your report as private as possible (though full confidentiality may not be guaranteed)
Be protected from retaliation (for example, being fired, demoted, or harassed after reporting)
File a charge with the EEOC if your employer does not respond appropriately (EEOC)
You may also be entitled to reasonable accommodations, especially if you are dealing with trauma, navigating court proceedings, or managing disability-related needs. These accommodations might include:
Flexible leave or schedule adjustments
Communication accommodations (such as using email instead of in-person meetings)
Modified workspaces or private locations for safety
Permission to have a support person attend HR meetings
Some states have workplace leave laws specific to domestic violence survivors. To learn more about protections in your area, or to get help with a workplace safety plan, you can visit Equal Rights Advocates, the National Women’s Law Center, or the EEOC.
If you decide not to report
That is your right. You are not required to report to your school, your job, or the police. You can still request help or accommodations in many cases, even without filing a formal complaint. You are the expert on your safety. Whether you’re ready to speak out or not, you deserve support—and you are not alone.
If you are thinking about reporting the abuse to the police, you are not alone. Some survivors find that reporting helps them feel safer or supported. Others are unsure—or already know they do not want to report. All of these decisions are valid. You are allowed to take your time.
You are not required to report the abuse right away. In most states, you have time to decide. However, every state has a statute of limitations—meaning a legal time limit for when charges can be filed. These limits vary based on where you live and what kind of abuse occurred.
To find out how your state defines domestic violence, dating violence, or stalking—and what the statute of limitations is—you can visit WomensLaw.org. If your state’s definition does not include what happened to you, please remember: that does not mean it was not abuse. Legal systems are limited. Your experience is still real.
If there is evidence from the crime scene—such as torn clothing, broken belongings, messages, surveillance footage, or injury photos—it is best for police to collect it within 72 hours if possible. This is not a deadline for reporting the abuse itself, but it may impact what evidence is available.
If you are a parent or caregiver, you may wonder how reporting will affect your children—or your ability to protect or stay with them. In many cases, a police report or restraining order can support your efforts to leave safely, protect your child, or document harm in future custody or divorce proceedings. But this is not guaranteed. You deserve legal guidance that is specific to your family’s needs. WomensLaw.org can help you understand how the criminal and family court systems interact in your state.
Also, be aware that some professionals—including police, doctors, or therapists—may be required to contact child protective services (CPS) if they believe a child is at risk. This does not mean you are in trouble or that your child will be taken away. In many states, making a report simply triggers an offer of support. But if you are unsure how your state handles this, you can talk with a legal advocate or a domestic violence hotline before making a report. You deserve help—not punishment—for trying to keep your children safe.
If you reported the abuse to your school, you can ask a campus police officer or student safety officer to help you make a formal report. If you are not on campus, you can contact your local police department directly. If you are receiving medical care, you can also ask a nurse, doctor, or advocate to contact law enforcement for you.
If you have already reported the abuse at your workplace—such as through Human Resources, security, or a supervisor—that documentation may also support you if you decide to file a police report. You can bring a copy of your HR complaint, incident log, or workplace safety plan with you. Some employers may also help you coordinate next steps, but they cannot report the abuse to police for you. That decision is yours to make.
If spoken communication is difficult, or if you are worried about how to explain what happened, you are allowed to:
Write a statement ahead of time or bring written notes
Use an AAC device, text-based format, or communication board
Have a support person help you speak or explain
Ask for a calm, private room or sensory-friendly environment
Pause, stim, cry, go silent, or take breaks—these are all normal trauma responses
The reporting process can take several hours. You may be asked to describe what happened more than once, or return later for follow-up interviews. Many officers have learned how abuse and trauma affect memory, language, and communication. If you freeze, go blank, or remember things out of order, that is okay. You can say, “I need a moment,” “I’m not sure,” or “Can I tell you later?”
When you speak to law enforcement, they may ask:
What happened and when
Where the abuse occurred
What your relationship to the person is
Whether there have been previous incidents
What you need to feel safe now
You are allowed to bring someone with you for support. This can be a friend, advocate, legal representative, therapist, or anyone you trust. If an officer asks to speak to you alone and that makes you uncomfortable, you can say no.
If an officer treats you poorly—for example, if they are aggressive, dismissive, or refuse to accommodate your needs—you can ask to speak to their supervisor. You can also:
Request to move to a more private space
Ask for a different officer
Take a break or end the interview and return another time
Submit a complaint later through the department’s internal affairs office
If you want more help understanding how to report abuse—or if you are unsure whether it’s the right path for you—you can visit the National Domestic Violence Hotline. They offer 24/7 support through phone, text, or online chat, and can help you explore your options or safety plan without pressure.
You can also visit WomensLaw.org to learn how reporting may affect your legal rights—especially if you are thinking about divorce, custody, or protective orders. Their online resource directory and confidential email hotline are available to survivors of all genders.
And if you decide not to report the abuse, that is okay, too. Your healing and your safety are what matter most. You are still a survivor. You are still deserving of protection, respect, and care.
Whether or not the person who harmed you physically hurt you, you are allowed to take steps to increase your safety. Abuse can involve control, fear, emotional harm, or threats—not just physical violence. If you feel unsafe in your body, your environment, or your relationships, that is reason enough to plan ahead.
A safety plan can help you prepare for different types of situations—like seeing your partner or ex-partner at work or school, receiving unwanted messages, or feeling overwhelmed after a difficult conversation. The goal is not to predict everything or prevent the abuse. It’s simply to help you feel more supported, protected, and in control of what happens next.
If you are a parent or caregiver, your safety plan might also include your child’s routines, school arrangements, or how to stay calm and present when they are nearby. Abuse can affect children even if they are not directly harmed. You are allowed to plan for their safety and emotional well-being alongside your own.
You can make your plan in whatever format works for you. Some people write it down. Others use visual cues, voice memos, text notes, diagrams, or private reminders. You do not need to share it unless you want to.
Below are four areas to consider.
Physical safety
Think about how to navigate physical spaces in a way that feels safer for you. This could include planning around your partner or ex-partner’s known routines or avoiding areas where they are often present.
Identify routes, entrances, and exits that help you avoid contact if possible
Map out safe spaces at school, work, or in your neighborhood
Plan what to do if you are unexpectedly approached or feel threatened
If you work in person, consider whether your employer could support you with changes to your schedule, workspace, or entry points. If you reported the abuse at work, you can ask for added protections like limiting access to your location.
If sensory overload or panic responses are part of how you process fear, consider tools that help you self-regulate—such as noise-reducing headphones, grounding objects, or a sensory-safe place nearby
Save emergency contacts in your phone (or written in your bag) in case you need to act quickly
To learn more about physical safety, visit the National Domestic Violence Hotline or the Stalking Prevention, Awareness, and Resource Center.
Digital safety
Technology can be a tool for connection—but also for control. Many abusive partners monitor phones, track devices, or use social media to intimidate or shame.
Consider turning off location services on your phone and apps
Make social media accounts private, and avoid posting your real-time location
Limit shared calendars or device access if you previously synced your phone or computer with your partner’s
Block or silence unknown numbers if receiving unwanted calls
If checking or changing privacy settings is confusing or overwhelming, ask a trusted person to assist
For tips on digital safety, visit the National Domestic Violence Hotline’s online safety section.
Emotional safety
Even when you are physically safe, your emotions may feel raw, unpredictable, or hard to manage. Abuse can make it harder to trust yourself, regulate your feelings, or feel worthy of care. You deserve peace and support.
Write or record affirmations that remind you of your safety, worth, or truth
List out simple activities that help calm or soothe you—such as music, movement, stimming, deep pressure, or sensory-friendly spaces
Identify emotional triggers and brainstorm ways to manage them gently
Create a grounding plan for moments of overwhelm (e.g., 5-4-3-2-1 exercise, holding an object with texture, using a visual countdown timer)
Build a safety playlist, journal, or comfort box you can turn to when you feel emotionally unsafe
If you want help exploring trauma recovery or emotional regulation, the National Child Abuse Hotline also offers resources for survivors of all ages.
Support system
A safety plan is more effective when you do not have to hold it all alone. You can choose one or more trusted people to be part of your support system—whether that’s friends, family, counselors, coworkers, school staff, or a local advocacy center.
Identify who can help if you are physically in danger, receiving digital threats, or overwhelmed emotionally
Let them know your preferred way of communicating (e.g., text only, short messages, scheduled check-ins)
Consider setting up code words or emojis to discreetly signal when you are in need
If speaking is difficult for you, make sure at least one support person understands your AAC method or communication needs
If you feel comfortable, a supervisor, manager, or HR staff member can also be part of your support network—especially if the person who harmed you has tried to contact you at work
To learn more about building a support network, visit the National Teen Dating Abuse Hotline (Love is Respect).
Protective orders and documentation
You may also want to consider getting a court-issued protection order. This is a legal document that may make it illegal for your partner or ex-partner to contact you, approach you, or share information about you with others.
If you are in school and reported the abuse, your school may also issue its own no-contact order
You do not need to wait for an incident to escalate before requesting a protection order
In most states, you can apply for one on your own, without a lawyer
Some advocates or domestic violence programs can help you fill out the paperwork
To learn more about your options and the laws in your state, visit WomensLaw.org.
If your partner or ex-partner continues to harass, stalk, or threaten you, consider writing down each incident in a journal, notebook, or secure digital folder. You may want to include:
The date, time, and location
What they said or did
How it made you feel or affected your safety
Screenshots, photos, or witness names (if applicable)
You do not have to share this record with anyone unless you want to. It is for your safety, your memory, and your peace of mind.
Remember, safety planning is not about fixing the past—it is about protecting your future. You are allowed to feel cautious. You are allowed to protect your space, your peace, and your voice. Whatever choices you make, you deserve support and safety as you continue forward.
Your mental and emotional well-being are just as important as your physical health. After experiencing abuse from a partner or ex-partner, you may notice emotional distress or mental health symptoms. These responses are not signs of weakness. They are your body and mind’s natural way of reacting to danger and harm.
Some survivors feel overwhelmed, numb, anxious, angry, confused, or afraid. Others may struggle with sleep, memory, concentration, appetite, or self-esteem. These effects may show up right away or gradually over time—and may come and go. However you’re feeling, it is real. You are not alone.
Mental health care does not have to mean long-term therapy—though it can. Support might include short-term counseling, group spaces, crisis services, medication, or tools that help you regulate your emotions, restore safety, or rebuild trust. What feels helpful will be different for everyone. If you are caring for children, your healing can also support theirs—and you deserve care that allows you to show up for both yourself and them.
Like physical health services, many mental health resources are free or low-cost. You may also be eligible for reimbursement through a victim compensation program. To learn more, visit the Office for Victims of Crime.
Below are some types of mental health support you may consider:
Individual or group counseling
Crisis services or trauma recovery programs
Drop-in support or peer-led groups
24/7 hotlines, such as the National Domestic Violence Hotline or the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline
Psychological screening or psychiatric evaluation
Medication for anxiety, depression, sleep issues, or trauma responses
Nonspeaking supports, such as art, movement, or music-based care
Sensory regulation tools or emotional safety plans
You can explore what works for you at your own pace. Some survivors seek support right away. Others take time or begin with smaller steps. There is no right or wrong approach.
If you are in school
You may be able to access free or low-cost mental health support through your college or university. Many schools offer confidential counseling, trauma response teams, peer groups, or LGBTQ+ resources. You might also be able to access academic accommodations or referrals to providers in the community.
If your school does not offer trauma-informed support, or if you experience barriers because of your identity or access needs, you can ask for help finding off-campus care. Your school is required under Title IX to assist you with this. If navigating school systems feels overwhelming, you can also reach out to an advocacy center or hotline for guidance.
If you are working
Some workplaces offer Employee Assistance Programs (EAPs), which include free, short-term mental health support. These programs can help you meet with a counselor or connect to additional care. You can ask HR about these options without having to share personal details.
If your mental health is affecting your ability to work, you may also have the right to request accommodations. These can include flexible hours, quiet spaces, modified communication formats, or extra breaks. You are not required to explain your situation in order to ask for support.
Accessing care in your community
If school or workplace services are unavailable or not the right fit, you can find care through community resources. You can:
Visit the National Domestic Violence Hotline to connect with a local counselor or advocacy center
Search Psychology Today for trauma-informed therapists in your state (filters available for insurance, location, cultural background, and LGBTQ+ affirming care)
Look into community mental health centers, sliding-scale clinics, or survivor-specific organizations
Ask a trusted friend, support person, or advocate to help you explore your options or make appointments
If phone calls are difficult, try emailing, using live chat, or having someone contact the provider for you. Some survivors also prefer asynchronous support, such as therapy apps, text-based platforms, or video reflections. These can be especially helpful for those with neurodivergent processing needs or communication differences.
You are allowed to ask for accommodations in your mental health care. That may include:
Requesting written communication instead of verbal intake
Bringing a support person or communication aide
Asking for sensory-friendly spaces, visual schedules, or slower-paced sessions
Using AAC or alternative communication tools
Setting boundaries around topics, language, or physical touch
You do not have to explain or defend what you need. Mental health care should work for you—not force you to fit someone else’s model of care.
If you are looking for expressive or community-based support
Music can be a powerful part of healing, and there are different ways to use it. Some survivors find support through music therapy—a clinical service provided by board-certified professionals in hospitals, schools, mental health centers, and other care settings. Music therapy sessions may include songwriting, improvisation, listening, or instrument use, and are designed around your individual needs and goals.
Others prefer a non-clinical, community-based approach. Voicelore offers free, music-based programs for survivors of domestic violence, dating violence, sexual assault, and stalking. These programs are not therapy—but they are trauma-informed, neurodiversity-affirming, and emotionally safe. The Reclaiming is a highly structured, yearlong program where participants use music to reconnect with their voice. You do not need to be a musician, and you do not need to share your story unless you want to.
If you are not ready to join a structured program, The Murmuring offers optional community gatherings and informal peer support. You are welcome to join whichever space feels right for you.
You can choose music therapy, Voicelore’s programs, or both. Some survivors may use music therapy for individual care while participating in Voicelore for community and creative expression. Others may move between the two over time. Both are valid.
Whether you heal through music, silence, conversation, stillness, therapy, or something else—you are allowed to take your time. You are allowed to feel better. And you are allowed to be supported every step of the way.
Each school and workplace has its own conduct process for handling reports of domestic or dating violence. These processes are separate from law enforcement and are designed to address whether someone violated the institution’s internal policies—not whether a crime occurred.
At school, this might mean a formal investigation, a student conduct hearing, or a conflict resolution process. At work, the process may involve human resources, written statements, internal review, or a meeting with supervisors. Some environments are responsive and supportive. Others may feel procedural, intimidating, or emotionally difficult—especially for neurodivergent survivors or those with past experiences of dismissal or harm in institutional settings.
You are not required to participate in any conduct process. If you choose to, you are allowed to:
Ask for a clear explanation of the steps before making a decision
Bring a support person or advocate
Request accommodations for trauma, disability, or sensory needs
Use written communication instead of verbal
Pause or withdraw from the process at any time
Not every school or workplace handles interpersonal violence well. If you do not feel safe or supported, you can ask for modifications—or choose not to move forward. There is no obligation to engage with a process that increases harm.
To learn more about how school-based processes work, you can visit the Equal Rights Advocates’ Student Survivor Toolkit or Know Your IX. For workplace support, the National Women’s Law Center’s Legal Network for Gender Equity and Workplaces Respond can help you understand your rights and next steps.
Whether or not you choose to participate in a school or workplace process, your safety and healing matter. You are allowed to take your time, ask questions, and decide what’s right for you.
If the person who harmed you is arrested, the case is forwarded to a prosecutor. That prosecutor may speak with you and seem supportive, but it is important to know they are not your attorney. They represent the government—specifically, your state.
If you want someone who is truly on your side throughout the legal process, you have the right to seek your own legal advice. Some lawyers and nonprofit organizations provide free legal services to survivors of domestic or dating violence. You do not need to face the system alone, and you deserve guidance that is clear, compassionate, and rooted in your interests. You can also reach out to WomensLaw.org, which offers legal information and helps survivors of all genders find support in their state.
If a prosecutor asks to speak with you, try to approach it the way you did with law enforcement. You are allowed to ask questions, take your time, and use any communication tools that help you feel grounded. If spoken communication feels difficult, consider writing down what you want to say or bringing a support person. You do not have to sound a certain way to be believed.
After reviewing the case, the prosecutor will decide whether to move forward with charges. Sometimes they will choose not to pursue the case—even if you want them to. Other times, they may move forward even if you are unsure. In most states, they will not force you to participate in court against your will, but they are not required to follow your wishes either.
If they do pursue the case, they will determine what charges to file and begin the next steps of the criminal legal process. That process may include:
Investigation
Charging
Arraignment
Discovery
Plea Bargaining
Preliminary Hearing
Pre-Trial Motions
Trial
Post-Trial Motions
Sentencing
Appeal
You can read more about each of these stages on the United States Department of Justice website.
Most cases end in plea bargaining, which means the case is resolved without a trial. This often means you will not have to testify. But in some situations, a trial does occur—and you may be asked to speak in court.
If you do testify, remember that you are allowed to feel what you feel. You can cry, pause, ask for a break, or bring a comfort item like a water bottle or something to hold. If your voice shakes or your memory falters, it does not mean you are not credible. Trauma can affect speech, memory, and clarity. Focus on the questions, not the people in the room. The person who harmed you and their supporters may be present, and their attorney may try to discredit you. This can be painful—but it does not erase the truth of what you lived through. You can ask for trauma-informed courtroom accommodations, such as testifying behind a screen or through video, depending on your state.
For more information about what it’s like to testify, visit the National Institute of Justice.
Just like you have rights as a student or employee, you also have rights as a survivor in the criminal justice system. These may include:
Protection of your privacy and safety
The right to receive updates about the case
Accommodations for trauma, disability, or communication needs
A support person during hearings
The ability to give a victim impact statement if there is sentencing
Some states also allow parents and caregivers to request accommodations that take children into account—such as scheduling considerations, supervised child-friendly spaces at court, or support from family advocacy centers. If your child was directly harmed or affected by the violence, you may also be able to access support on their behalf.
If you are in the process of separation, divorce, or dealing with shared custody, it may help to speak with a legal advocate who understands how criminal and family court systems interact. In some cases, the outcome of a criminal or civil case can influence custody or visitation decisions, but that is not guaranteed. A lawyer can help you understand how to document concerns or prepare for future proceedings related to your child’s safety and care.
To learn more about your rights, call or text the VictimConnect Resource Center's Referral Helpline at 1-855-484-2846 or chat with a specialist. You can also visit VINELink to stay updated on the status of the case and receive notifications about hearings, transfers, or release dates.
If the prosecutor declines to file charges, the case is dismissed, or your rights are violated along the way, you may still have legal options. One option is to file a civil lawsuit, which allows you to pursue financial compensation from the person who harmed you. Civil cases do not require a criminal conviction and are held in a different court. The burden of proof is lower, and you may be able to seek justice in a way that feels more centered on your needs.
To learn more about filing a civil case, visit WomensLaw.org.
But most importantly: it is okay if you choose not to pursue the criminal or civil legal process.
Not every survivor wants to go to court. Not every case is pursued, even if you want it to be. You are still a survivor. You are still worthy of care, protection, and respect.
Whatever path you choose, your healing and safety matter. There is no one “right” way to seek justice. There is only the way that is right for you.
Survivors of Stalking
When you believe it is safe to do so, reach out to someone you trust. This person can sit with you, help you plan next steps, or simply offer support. If spoken communication feels difficult, you can write, text, or use an augmentative and alternative communication (AAC) tool to ask for help in a way that works for you.
If someone is monitoring, following, or contacting you in ways that make you feel unsafe or on edge, your feelings are valid. Stalking is not about how “serious” the behavior looks—it’s about how it affects your life, your safety, and your peace of mind. If it’s making you anxious or afraid, that is enough.
If you are affiliated with a college, university, or workplace, you may have access to additional support. Be aware that not all services are confidential. Most licensed mental health professionals are not required to report stalking unless someone is in immediate danger. Health center staff or advocates may only report non-identifying information, but some professionals are legally required to share identifying details if they believe someone is at risk of serious harm. Your institution’s website or handbook may also explain which services are truly confidential.
Whether or not you report is your choice.
You are allowed to wait. You are allowed to report right away. You are allowed to never report. What matters most is what feels safe and right for you.
If you think you may want to report later, it can help to keep a record of what’s been happening. Depending on your access needs, you might document:
Dates and times of incidents
Screenshots of messages, calls, or social media activity
A list of locations where the person appeared
How each interaction made you feel
You can use a method that supports your communication and executive functioning style—handwritten logs, calendar reminders, digital folders, AAC entries, or voice memos. Store your documentation somewhere secure.
If you are worried someone may be tracking your phone, computer, or location, try using a safe device to access resources. The National Domestic Violence Hotline can help you create a safety plan that includes tech privacy.
You deserve to feel safe in your daily life. Even if the behavior seems subtle or hard to explain, you are allowed to take it seriously. You are not imagining it—and you are not alone.
If someone is stalking or harassing you, you may or may not need medical care. This step is optional. Many stalking survivors are never physically harmed—but that does not mean the experience has not affected your health. Your body may still be responding to stress, fear, or trauma. You deserve care and support, even if there is no visible injury.
Some survivors notice changes in their physical or emotional well-being after being stalked. These changes can happen gradually or all at once. You may want to seek medical care if:
You were physically hurt during an encounter with the person stalking you
You’re experiencing stress-related symptoms, such as chest pain, headaches, digestive issues, or shutdowns
You’re having trouble sleeping, eating, or functioning in daily life
You want documentation of how this is affecting you, even if you do not plan to report it
Some stalking survivors are also threatened with or subjected to sexual violence. If that has happened to you, you are still welcome to follow these steps. You may also want to visit the steps for sexual assault survivors, especially if you’re seeking medical care like STI testing, emergency contraception, or a forensic exam. Whether or not you experienced sexual violence, your safety and well-being matter.
You are not required to tell a doctor or nurse everything that happened in order to get care. You can explain as much or as little as you want. If spoken communication feels difficult, you can write down your concerns, use a communication app, or bring a support person with you.
Some stalking survivors also seek care for long-term effects on mental health. If you would like support from a counselor, advocate, or trauma-informed therapist, a healthcare provider or crisis center may be able to connect you with someone who understands.
If you’re not sure where to go, or if you want help finding a safe provider, you can contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline or the National Sexual Assault Hotline. These resources support survivors of stalking as well as other forms of abuse.
If the person stalking you caused physical harm—or if you’re thinking about getting a restraining order or workplace accommodation—it may help to document your injuries or symptoms. This can include:
A written record of pain or health changes
Medical reports or treatment notes
Photos of injuries (if applicable)
Mental health assessments from a licensed provider
Even if you’re not sure whether you’ll ever use the documentation, it can be helpful to have it in case you decide to take legal or institutional action later on.
If you’re worried about the cost of medical care, you may be eligible for help through a victim compensation program. These programs exist in most U.S. states and territories. For more information, visit the Office for Victims of Crime.
You do not need to meet anyone else’s definition of harm to take care of your health. If something feels wrong in your body or mind, you are allowed to ask for help. You are allowed to heal, even if there are no visible scars.
If someone is stalking, following, surveilling, or repeatedly contacting you at school or at work, you may have the option to report their behavior through your school’s Title IX office or your employer’s Human Resources (HR) department. These reporting systems are separate from reporting to the police. You are not required to report to any institution. You can report to your school, your job, both, or neither—whatever feels safest and most supportive for you.
Some survivors feel safer after reporting. Others choose not to report, or they wait until they have more clarity or support. Your response is valid either way. You do not have to explain your choice to anyone.
If you are in school
Title IX is a federal law that requires schools receiving federal funding to respond to sex-based discrimination and gender-based violence—including stalking. Stalking may include in-person surveillance, digital monitoring, unwanted contact, threats, or repeated attempts to control, follow, or track someone. It is especially serious when connected to a current, past, or perceived romantic or sexual relationship.
Under the current Title IX regulations, your school is required to take action if stalking interferes with your access to education and is connected to a school program or activity. This may include incidents that occur off-campus or online, depending on your school’s policies and the context. You do not need to file a formal complaint to receive support.
If you report the stalking to your school’s Title IX office, they must offer supportive measures—even if you do not wish to pursue an investigation. These may include:
Safety escorts or adjustments to your on-campus routes
Class schedule or housing changes
No-contact orders
Counseling referrals or mental health support
If you choose to file a formal complaint, your school must initiate a grievance process. While the steps may vary by institution, the process must be fair, prompt, and free from retaliation. Schools are no longer required to hold live hearings or mandate cross-examination, and they have more flexibility in how they address harm—so long as survivor rights and safety are protected.
Some schools also offer informal resolution options that allow you to receive support or address harm without starting a formal investigation. These may involve restorative practices, safety planning, or mediated conversations. Not all schools offer this pathway, so check your school’s website or contact a campus advocate for details. Be mindful of confidentiality limits, as discussed in Step 1.
You also have the right to:
Request confidentiality (though this may limit your school’s response)
Ask that no investigation take place (which schools may honor in many cases)
Be protected from retaliation for reporting or asking for help
If you are neurodivergent or disabled, you can request accommodations during the Title IX process. These might include:
Using text or written communication instead of speaking
Participating in meetings remotely or asynchronously
Minimizing sensory triggers in meeting spaces
Having a support person or communication aide present
Taking extra time to review documents or respond to questions
You can learn more about your rights at the National Women’s Law Center, Equal Rights Advocates, or from the U.S. Department of Education.
If you are in the workplace
If the person stalking you is a coworker, supervisor, client, or someone targeting you at your job, you may be able to report the behavior through your employer’s Human Resources department. In many states, stalking that interferes with your ability to work is considered a form of harassment—and may be protected under Title VII of the Civil Rights Act or state-specific workplace laws.
You do not have to report. But if you choose to, your employer is required to take the complaint seriously and respond appropriately. If they do nothing—or retaliate against you—you may be able to file a charge with the U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) or a state civil rights agency.
You have the right to:
Report stalking behavior to HR or your supervisor
Ask for adjustments to your workspace, schedule, or job duties
Request security support, no-contact plans, or blocked access
Keep your identity as private as possible (within legal limits)
Be protected from retaliation for speaking up
File a complaint with the EEOC if your employer fails to act (EEOC)
If the stalker is not affiliated with your job but is targeting you at work (such as showing up, sending messages, or surveilling you during work hours), your employer may still be able to take protective steps to help you feel safer.
You can also request accommodations that support your safety or ability to function at work. These may include:
Relocating your workspace or using a private office
Limiting your exposure to the public (e.g., no front-desk assignments)
Allowing communication in writing only
Flexible leave, hybrid work, or changes to your work schedule
Bringing a support person to HR meetings
Some states have laws that protect survivors of stalking in the workplace, including job-protected leave or the right to request a safety plan. For help with this process, visit Equal Rights Advocates, National Women’s Law Center, or EEOC.
If you decide not to report
That’s okay. You are not required to report stalking to your school, your workplace, or law enforcement. You can still request help, accommodations, and support—even without filing a formal complaint. Your fear is valid, your story is real, and you are allowed to move at your own pace. Whether you report or not, you are not alone.
If you are thinking about reporting your stalker to the police, you are not alone. Some survivors feel safer or more in control after reporting. Others are not sure what they want to do, or already know that they do not want to report. That is okay. Your decision is valid, and you do not have to make it right away.
Most states allow you time to decide whether or not to report. However, every state has a statute of limitations—meaning a time limit for when a criminal report can be filed. This time limit may depend on what kind of stalking occurred, whether threats or property damage were involved, or whether the behavior violated an existing protection order.
To ask about the statute of limitations in your state, you can email WomensLaw.org. To learn how your state defines stalking, visit the Stalking Prevention, Awareness, and Resource Center (SPARC). If your experience does not match the legal definition in your state, that does not mean it was not stalking. Your safety and discomfort are real, even if the law does not describe them the same way.
If you are in school, a campus police officer or school safety officer may be able to help you report the stalking to law enforcement. If you are receiving support through your workplace, a Human Resources staff member or supervisor may be able to help as well. If you have already filed a workplace report, you can bring a copy of it with you when reporting to the police. This might include an incident log, a workplace safety plan, or a copy of your written complaint. Your employer cannot report to the police on your behalf, but they may help you prepare or support your next steps.
If you are not reporting through school or work, you can contact your local police department directly. You can also ask a healthcare provider, counselor, or victim advocate to help you reach out.
The decision to speak with police is yours. If you do decide to report, it may help to know what to expect. The process can sometimes take several hours. You may be asked to:
Describe the behavior in your own words
Provide information about the person stalking you
Answer questions that may feel repetitive or difficult
Return for follow-up interviews or supply additional evidence later
If you are feeling overwhelmed, know that many survivors of stalking experience trauma responses such as shutdowns, speech delays, or difficulty remembering the exact order of events. Some officers have been trained to understand how trauma and neurodivergence can affect communication. If you freeze, go blank, or need time to answer, that is okay. You can say:
“Can we take a break?”
“I need to come back to that later.”
“Can I write it down instead?”
“I’m not sure, but I’ll tell you if I remember.”
If verbal communication is hard for you, or if the questions become too overwhelming, you can also:
Use notes, outlines, or a written timeline
Bring a support person to help you speak
Use an AAC device, text-based format, or alternative communication method
Request a quieter space or sensory accommodations such as dim lighting or limited background noise
You can ask to have a friend, advocate, family member, or therapist with you at all times. If an officer asks to speak to you alone and that makes you uncomfortable, you are allowed to say no.
If an officer treats you poorly—by being disrespectful, dismissive, or aggressive—you can ask to speak to their supervisor or the next highest-ranking officer. You can also:
Request to move to a more private location
Ask for a break or a chance to return another day
File a complaint later through the department’s internal affairs office
Even if you don’t have physical evidence, you can still report. However, if you have saved messages, screenshots, photos, recordings, or logs of when the person contacted or followed you, those materials can help build your case. Police may be able to help you obtain surveillance footage or phone records, but it is best to do this as soon as you feel ready.
If you want help understanding the process or need someone to talk to before reporting, you can contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline or the Stalking Prevention, Awareness, and Resource Center. They can support survivors of all genders, identities, and backgrounds—and you are not required to report in order to receive help.
And if you decide not to report your stalker, that is okay too. You are still a survivor. You are still allowed to ask for support, request accommodations, and take steps to protect yourself in whatever way feels safest for you.
If someone is stalking you—whether online, in person, or both—you are allowed to make a safety plan. Even if they have not physically harmed you, repeated contact, surveillance, or unwanted communication can be overwhelming and dangerous. You do not have to wait until something escalates to protect your peace.
Your safety plan can help you prepare for situations that feel unpredictable or unsafe. It may include things like who to call, where to go, how to respond digitally, or how to calm yourself if you feel triggered or trapped. You can create your plan in whatever way works for you: writing, drawing, voice notes, visual layouts, digital tools, or simply keeping it in your mind.
If you are not sure where to begin, you may want to start with the Stalking and Harassment Assessment and Risk Profile (SHARP) created by the Stalking Prevention, Awareness, and Resource Center. This private, online tool helps survivors better understand their level of risk and offers tailored safety suggestions based on what is happening in their life.
Below are four areas to consider as you build your plan.
Physical safety
If you feel unsafe walking to school, attending work, using public spaces, or going about daily life, it may help to create a map of safer paths and routines.
Think about where the person stalking you shows up most often, and what times they are likely to be there
Identify alternative routes to school, work, or errands—even if they take longer
Save the contact information for campus or building security, a nearby trusted person, or a crisis center
If you are working in person, your employer may be able to adjust your schedule, location, or building access to help you feel safer. If you previously reported the stalking at work, you can ask for additional protections
If sensory overload or panic is part of how you process fear, carry tools or objects that help you regulate (such as headphones, fidgets, pressure items, or calming scents)
To explore more physical safety strategies, visit the National Domestic Violence Hotline or the Stalking Prevention, Awareness, and Resource Center.
Digital safety
Technology is one of the most common tools used in stalking. Many stalkers send unwanted messages, use fake accounts, track phones, or gain access to online calendars, shared locations, or devices. This can make it hard to rest, disconnect, or know who’s watching.
Adjust your social media settings so that posts, stories, check-ins, and tags are private
Turn off location sharing on phones and apps, especially any shared with the stalker in the past
Block or silence unknown calls or texts if they are distressing
Ask a friend, advocate, or tech support person to help you review your device permissions or digital footprint
Save and document unwanted messages if possible, in case you choose to report them later
For more information on tech safety, visit the National Domestic Violence Hotline’s tech safety page or explore SPARC’s digital safety resources.
Emotional safety
Even if you are physically safe, stalking can create emotional distress that builds over time. Survivors may experience hypervigilance, shutdowns, fear, grief, anger, or numbness. You deserve emotional safety too.
Identify what helps you feel calm, grounded, or protected when emotions become too intense
Create a list of go-to strategies for overwhelming moments—like listening to music, stimming, breathing exercises, taking breaks from screens, or going to a familiar place
Use a journal, video diary, or art activity to release stress or track patterns
Prepare short, supportive phrases or scripts to remind yourself: “This is not my fault,” “I am not alone,” or “I’m allowed to protect myself”
If you are unsure what helps, focus on small moments of comfort or connection—even tiny ones count
You can find more ideas for emotional self-care and recovery at RAINN’s self-care guide.
Support system
You do not have to manage this alone. A support system may include people who can help you stay safe, witness what you are experiencing, or simply sit with you on difficult days.
Choose people you trust—friends, family, advocates, mental health professionals, coworkers, school staff, or hotline counselors
Let them know what kind of help you need (checking in, making calls, walking with you, helping document things, or just listening)
If speaking is difficult, let them know your communication style (text, gestures, AAC, voice notes, etc.)
You can also ask about school safety officers, workplace security, or community support staff if you feel comfortable doing so
Some survivors create safety plans with an advocate from a local center—even if they never report
To learn more about creating a safety network, visit Love is Respect or SPARC.
Protective orders and documentation
Depending on your state’s laws, you may be able to request a court-issued protection or restraining order that makes it illegal for the person stalking you to contact or approach you.
If you’re in school and report the stalking, the institution may issue its own no-contact order
Court-issued protective orders may be available even if no physical assault has occurred
You can apply for one without an attorney, and many communities have advocates who can assist you
These orders often restrict physical presence, messages, digital contact, or third-party harassment
To learn more about the process and eligibility in your area, visit WomensLaw.org.
It can also help to document any troubling behavior, even if you’re not planning to file a report right now. You can keep this record in the same place as your stalking journal or in a private digital folder. It may include:
Dates, times, and locations of incidents
Screenshots of messages, social media activity, or call logs
Notes about what happened and how it made you feel
Names of anyone who witnessed the event or helped you respond
This documentation is not something you are required to share. It is for your safety, your memory, and your sense of control.
Safety planning is not about fixing what happened—it’s about helping you reclaim space, boundaries, and peace. Whether you change your routine, block someone online, apply for a protection order, or simply find one person to support you, you are already taking steps to care for yourself. You deserve to feel safe—in your body, in your choices, and in your life.
Your mental and emotional well-being are just as important as your physical safety. As a survivor of stalking, you may experience mental health symptoms or emotional distress—even if no physical harm occurred. These reactions are not signs of weakness. They are your body and mind’s way of responding to fear, stress, and uncertainty.
Some survivors feel anxious, hypervigilant, numb, angry, sad, or overwhelmed. Others struggle with sleep, appetite, concentration, or regulating their emotions. These symptoms may appear immediately or develop gradually—and may vary over time. Whatever you are feeling, it is valid. You are not alone, and you deserve support.
Mental health care does not have to mean long-term therapy—though it can. Many survivors benefit from short-term counseling, group spaces, crisis services, medication, or other tools that help them regain a sense of stability and control. What you need may change over time, and that is okay.
Like physical health care, mental health services are often available at low or no cost. You may also be eligible for reimbursement through a victim compensation program in your state. To learn more, visit the Office for Victims of Crime.
Below are some types of mental health support you may consider:
Individual or group counseling
Crisis services or trauma recovery programs
Drop-in support or peer-led groups
24/7 hotlines, such as the National Domestic Violence Hotline or the National Sexual Assault Hotline
Psychological screening or psychiatric evaluation
Medication for anxiety, depression, sleep issues, or trauma-related symptoms
Nonspeaking supports, such as art, movement, or music-based care
Sensory regulation tools or emotional safety plans
You are allowed to explore care at your own pace. Some survivors reach out for help quickly. Others take time to process what they need or begin with small, manageable steps. There is no single path to healing.
If you are in school
You may have access to free or low-cost mental health care through your college or university. Many schools offer confidential counseling, trauma response services, peer support spaces, or LGBTQ+ student resources. You may also qualify for academic accommodations or referrals to off-campus providers.
If your school’s support options are limited, inaccessible, or not trauma-informed, you can ask for help connecting with a community provider. Your school is required under Title IX to assist with that process. If you feel overwhelmed, you can also contact a national hotline for guidance.
If you are working
Some employers offer Employee Assistance Programs (EAPs), which include free, short-term counseling and help finding additional care. You can ask your HR department about these services without having to share specific details about what happened.
If your symptoms are affecting your ability to work, you may also be entitled to accommodations. This could include flexible hours, remote work, a quieter workspace, or changes to how you communicate with others. You are not required to explain your situation to request support.
Accessing care in your community
If school or work services are not available or do not meet your needs, you can explore care through local options. You can:
Visit the National Domestic Violence Hotline or National Sexual Assault Hotline to connect with an advocacy center or counselor
Search Psychology Today for trauma-informed therapists in your area (filters include insurance, LGBTQ+ affirming providers, racial/cultural identity, and more)
Look into sliding-scale clinics, community mental health centers, or survivor-focused organizations
Ask a friend, support person, or advocate to help you research options or reach out on your behalf
If calling or speaking aloud feels difficult, consider emailing, using live chat, or exploring asynchronous care. Many survivors—especially those with neurodivergent processing or trauma responses—prefer text-based therapy apps, journaling tools, or video check-ins that match their communication style.
You are allowed to ask for accommodations in your mental health care. That may include:
Requesting written or typed communication instead of phone calls
Bringing a support person or communication aide
Asking for sensory-friendly spaces, visual aids, or slower pacing during sessions
Using AAC or alternative formats to express yourself
Setting boundaries around language, topics, or physical presence
You do not have to explain or defend what you need. Mental health care should meet you where you are—not force you to adapt to a system that feels unsafe or unfamiliar.
If you are looking for expressive or community-based support
Music can be part of healing, too—and there is more than one way to use it. Some survivors benefit from music therapy, a clinical service led by board-certified professionals in hospitals, mental health settings, and recovery centers. Sessions may include songwriting, improvisation, instrument use, or guided listening, and are tailored to your individual needs and goals.
Others prefer a non-clinical, community-based approach. Voicelore offers free, music-based programs for survivors of stalking, sexual assault, sexual harassment, domestic violence, and dating violence. These programs are not therapy—but they are trauma-informed, neurodiversity-affirming, and designed to support emotional safety. The Reclaiming is a highly structured, yearlong program where survivors reconnect with their voice through music. You do not need to be a musician to participate.
If a yearlong commitment is not right for you, The Murmuring offers informal community gatherings and peer support. You are welcome in either space, depending on what feels accessible and supportive.
You can choose music therapy, Voicelore, or both. Some survivors may attend both programs at different points in their journey—or use one to complement the other. What matters most is that you feel empowered to choose care that meets your needs and honors your story.
Whether you heal through music, quiet, movement, support, or something else entirely—you deserve safety, care, and support every step of the way.
Each school and workplace has its own conduct process for responding to reports of stalking. These processes are different from police investigations. Instead of determining whether a crime occurred, they focus on whether someone violated a policy or code of conduct.
At school, the process may involve a written complaint, an investigation, or a formal hearing. At work, it might be managed by human resources, involve interviews, or result in internal disciplinary actions. Some institutions offer flexible, trauma-informed options. Others may rely on strict procedures that feel impersonal or difficult to navigate—especially for neurodivergent survivors or those who fear not being believed.
You are never required to participate in a conduct process. If you choose to, you have the right to:
Ask for a detailed explanation of the process before deciding
Request trauma-informed, sensory-friendly, or communication-based accommodations
Bring a support person with you
Share your experience in writing if speaking aloud is difficult
Step away or withdraw from the process at any time
Because stalking is often ongoing and sometimes minimized by institutions, you may encounter disbelief or confusion—especially if there is no “single incident” to point to. You do not need to convince anyone to justify your need for support. You are allowed to name what you’ve experienced in whatever way feels safest.
If you are a student, your school’s website, student handbook, or conduct office can provide information about their process. You can also explore the Equal Rights Advocates’ Student Survivor Toolkit or Know Your IX for step-by-step guidance on what to expect and how to prepare.
If the stalking happened at or affects your job, your workplace may have an internal policy about harassment, violence, or employee safety. You can ask HR for a copy of that policy or request support without disclosing everything that occurred. For additional help navigating workplace reporting, the National Women’s Law Center’s Legal Network for Gender Equity and Workplaces Respond can offer direction and legal referrals.
You are not obligated to go through any system that feels unsafe or disempowering. Whether or not you participate in a school or workplace process, you deserve clarity, respect, and the freedom to make choices that support your healing.
If the person who stalked you is arrested, the case is forwarded to a prosecutor. That prosecutor may speak with you and seem supportive, but it is important to know they are not your attorney. They represent the government—specifically, your state.
If you want someone who is truly on your side throughout the legal process, you have the right to seek your own legal advice. Some lawyers and nonprofit organizations provide free legal services to stalking survivors. You do not have to face the legal system alone, and you deserve support that is clear, compassionate, and grounded in your needs. To find a lawyer or legal resource in your state, visit WomensLaw.org or use the VictimConnect Resource Map to search for support.
If a prosecutor asks to speak with you, try to approach it the way you did with law enforcement. You are allowed to ask questions, take your time, and use any communication tools that help you feel grounded. If spoken communication feels difficult, consider writing down what you want to say, using an AAC device, or bringing a support person. You do not have to speak in a certain way to be believed.
After reviewing the case, the prosecutor will decide whether to move forward with charges. Sometimes they will choose not to pursue the case—even if you want them to. Other times, they may move forward even if you are unsure. In most states, they will not force you to participate in court against your will, but they are not required to follow your preferences either.
If they do pursue the case, they will determine what charges to file and begin the next steps of the criminal legal process. That process may include:
Investigation
Charging
Arraignment
Discovery
Plea Bargaining
Preliminary Hearing
Pre-Trial Motions
Trial
Post-Trial Motions
Sentencing
Appeal
You can read more about each of these stages on the U.S. Department of Justice website.
Most stalking cases end in plea bargaining, which means the case is resolved without a trial. This often means you will not have to testify. But in some situations, a trial does occur—and you may be asked to speak in court.
If you do testify, remember that you are allowed to feel what you feel. You can cry, pause, ask for a break, or bring a comfort item like a water bottle or something to hold. If your voice shakes or your memory falters, it does not mean you are not credible. Trauma—and the experience of being stalked—can affect speech, memory, and clarity.
Focus on the questions being asked, not the people in the room. Your stalker and their supporters may be present, and their attorney may try to challenge you. This can be painful—but it does not erase what you lived through. You can ask for trauma-informed courtroom accommodations, such as testifying behind a screen or through video, depending on your state.
For more information about what it’s like to testify, visit the National Institute of Justice.
Just like you have rights as a student or employee, you also have rights as a survivor in the criminal justice system. These may include:
The right to receive case updates
Access to trauma-informed services
The ability to bring a support person to hearings
The right to request accommodations for disability, sensory needs, or communication differences
The opportunity to make a victim impact statement if the case results in sentencing
To learn more about your rights, you can call or text the VictimConnect Resource Center's Referral Helpline at 1-855-484-2846 or chat with a specialist. You can also visit VINELink to stay updated on the status of the case and receive notifications about hearings, transfers, or release dates.
If the prosecutor declines to file charges, the case is dismissed, or your rights are violated along the way, you may still have legal options. One option is to file a civil lawsuit, which allows you to pursue financial compensation from the person who harmed you. Civil cases do not require a criminal conviction and are held in a different court. The burden of proof is lower, and you may be able to seek justice in a way that feels more centered on your needs.
To learn more about filing a civil case, read FindLaw’s article on legal options for stalking survivors.
But most importantly: it is okay if you choose not to pursue the criminal or civil legal process.
Not every survivor wants to go to court. Not every case is pursued, even if you want it to be. You are still a survivor. You are still worthy of care, protection, and respect.
Whatever path you choose, your healing and safety matter. There is no one “right” way to seek justice. There is only the way that is right for you.